reverendarielle:

This is SO true. T_T

reverendarielle:

This is SO true. T_T


ermajersh:

I couldnt ask for a better woman. Beautiful, loving, intelligent, and.. well.. Perfect! I live to make her smile and long to feel her touch. I dont know how I ever lived without her, she makes life so very enjoyable! I love you Emily

ermajersh:

I couldnt ask for a better woman. Beautiful, loving, intelligent, and.. well.. Perfect! I live to make her smile and long to feel her touch. I dont know how I ever lived without her, she makes life so very enjoyable! I love you Emily


Dissappointment and stress

Oh, everything has been so hectic the past few days. I mean to post every day but I’ve just been so tired…I did end up letting the kids go to the birthday party, because as much as I want to teach Scott a lesson about responsibility, I know how much my son loves seeing his cousin and didn’t want to deprive him of the opportunity. He wanted to bring them back Tuesday, I said no that doesn’t work for me because I’ll be having furniture delivered Tuesday, he says ok…then ends up calling me & saying his Dad is having a “nervous breakdown” which he says on a weekly basis I’m pretty sure that none of them even know the meaning of nervous break down because if it happens weekly then you’re just an over dramatic asshole, you’re not having a crisis. But whatever. So the furniture got delivered today, and I had to stay up waiting for Scott and the end all result of all this being that I called off work and told them my truck wouldn’t start because I hadn’t slept in 3 days and knew I couldn’t do it. The problem with doing things like this, for me, is that now I’m beating myself up with guilt and disappointment over it, so it’s not even worth it. On top of them riding my case pretty hard the past few days and the fact that I was supposed to be training someone last night all I can think of now is “what if i get fired? I have all these bills to pay!” ugh…life is kinda hard sometimes. I’d love to blame someone else for all this, but ultimately it’s really all my fault for letting myself be walked on, and not just sucking it up and going into work…but last time I went into work tired, it was NOT good, I was falling asleep all night long and ended up getting bitched at quite a few times. ugggghh…I really need a different job. I really do. The only problem being I have to find a job that will be at least equal or better pay than the one I’m at, which aren’t exactly easy for me to come by. Also, the fact that Josh and I only have the one car atm since he sold his camaro, which is the only reason why us both working, works right now because we go to the same place on the same shift. I guess I could always ride the bus, but that’s SUCH a hassle it takes 2-3 hours to get somwhere that should take a half hour-20 minutes. I need to make a list of all my responsibilities right now and prioritize and get some things taken care of…It’s becoming increasingly hard to remember it all on a day to day basis and we both really want to get to a point in life where everything is taken care of and we don’t have to worry and live paycheck to paycheck anymore, and with this furniture I’ll be building up some credit and if I can get all my overdue bills paid off from me and Scott’s relationship then I should be in pretty good standing…which is very neccessary because we NEED to buy a house and probably will only be able to afford a wedding by taking out some loans cause Lord Knows we don’t have any family to help with that expense. Was going to make some chili yesterday since Josh has been asking for it for a while and I’ve just been too tired to cook but we both ended up passing out pretty early, so I’m going to get started on the chili in the slow cooker and then I’ll make some cornbread & peanut butter cookies to go w/it (they’re his favorite) so everyone should be pretty happy….Also think I’ll try to do my nails, clean myself up, take a bath and clean the house since I have a little extra time now from my unscheduled day off. Tbh it’s a good thing I took the day off anyway because my stomache has been upset all night long…still worried about what the repurcussions will be though :(

Oh, side note, I’ve been reading some single parents boards as I have always done because it gives me perspective, you know, to look at things from an outside point of view…I always think about posting but then don’t so I’m mostly just a lurker…and I think from now on I’m just going to try really hard to ignore Scott’s drama and just be as cordial and proffessional with him as possible and not let him guilt me into things…I mean the man has no job, no bills or responsibilities other than himself, and I work 7 days a week and take care of 3 kids and a dog so why the hell am I losing sleep to work around HIS schedule? And he needs to start paying child support more consistantly because if not I’m seriously considering just signing him up for it legally, even though I probably still won’t get shit either way. Gonna have to push Shelby’s party back a week because I haven’t had the time to plan ANYthing yet! ugh!


Just being silly, a little poem.

While we both know that you are gorgeous, this is true,

I do not love you for your looks, but what you do

you wake me every morning with a kiss upon my face

The stars in your eyes, make me think of outer space

and you give of your love freely, you never make me chase

You make me coffee every morning, and you put it in my hand

You never crumble under pressure, seems you always have a plan

You give me a place to lean on, when I feel I can not stand

You know how to be sweet, and yet still be a man

Your love, I feel is endless, it is immeasurable and deep

To reach the limit of your feelings, would be a climb so steep

I love you when you’re awake, and I love you when you’re asleep

and you say you’re mine forever, yours is my heart to keep


This is so true…really. I think a lot of people miss this concept about life. Instead of sitting around, feeling envious about what other people are doing/have. Why not just get off your ass and work to have it yourself? I mean, life’s not exactly fair, so some may have to work a bit harder than others….however, most things that people are jealous of are easily acheived. For instance; jealous of someone’s posessions. Get a job and work so that you can afford to buy the same things. Jealous of someone’s relationship: Attempt to be a better partner, or go after people who are. Life seems very simple in some ways, a lot of ways it’s complex, but people are always focusing on the most simple and logical of tasks as if it’s advanced calculus. Want more stuff? Make more money. Want more love? Give more love! simple, easy. bada bing.

This is so true…really. I think a lot of people miss this concept about life. Instead of sitting around, feeling envious about what other people are doing/have. Why not just get off your ass and work to have it yourself? I mean, life’s not exactly fair, so some may have to work a bit harder than others….however, most things that people are jealous of are easily acheived. For instance; jealous of someone’s posessions. Get a job and work so that you can afford to buy the same things. Jealous of someone’s relationship: Attempt to be a better partner, or go after people who are. Life seems very simple in some ways, a lot of ways it’s complex, but people are always focusing on the most simple and logical of tasks as if it’s advanced calculus. Want more stuff? Make more money. Want more love? Give more love! simple, easy. bada bing.


Good motivation for the days I really don’t feel like going into work…believe it or not, that isn’t EVERY day. Just some :)

Good motivation for the days I really don’t feel like going into work…believe it or not, that isn’t EVERY day. Just some :)


The secret to successful relationships, according to me. Which means nothing.

A good question to ask yourself in a relationship, when trying to determine whether it is successful is, not “How much have they TOLD me they love me lately?” but “What have they done to PROVE how much they love me?” Words are meaningless without actions to back it up with.


5 am update

Woke up at 3am and can’t get back to sleep, although that’s probably a good thing since last time I had a day off I went back to normal sleeping hours and then was a tired mess at work on Sunday. Sunday is always an extremely easy day for me though, because they only bring me in so that me and Josh can have the same day off, and they never have anything for me to do, so I just run around doing odd jobs. Last Sunday my entire “job” for the day was to get totes, but since I got all of them already on Friday not sure what they’ll be having me doing this Sunday. Maybe they’ll actually train me on something….we’ll see.

Well, the harvest festival was ok, we played some games with the kids, went into a cosutme store and tried on some costumes…Josh and I had a really cute “themed” costume thing planned w/the kids, BUT, while we were out we happened into a furniture place just to look around and found a living room set we absolutely fell in love with and purchased off the floor, lamps, couch, tables, and even wall decorations…SO…lol…we may have to forego dressing up this year and just get the kids costumes instead since we put down a down payment for it….Everything goes well with the application and it should be delivered Tuesday….I tried not to put Josh on the application because his credit isn’t so hot from all his student loans from flight school and some unpaid bills, etc….mine’s pretty decent (considering), around 660 last time I checked, but of course that was BEFORE the student loans. I need to pay off the 600$ electric bill Scott ran up in my name still and I think I still have that overdue bank account bill from when I was 16 lol…I plan on paying off all my debt within the next year and all things going as planned, paying payments on this furniture will actually increase my credit. IF the furniture is good to go, I think I will be going back and getting a tv they had there as well, so we can put this tube tv in Blake’s room. It’s a decent size, just not a flat screen.

I have to say, it’s really nice (as much as I hate working this much) to actually have money to spend on the things we need. I went literally me and Scott’s entire relationship, 6 years, scraping by and only having money for bills, etc. and of course his terrible money management spent whatever little we did have extra on video games and weed (puke) and then told me we didn’t have money for hair cuts for the children. THANK GOD me and Josh actually have the same priorities…the house, and the kids, when it comes to money….

Need to start getting him caught up on his child support as well, definitely don’t want that hanging over our heads…

Well, Scott finally got ahold of me to say “we needed to work out a time he would be getting the kids for the birthday party and to call him”…um, the NIGHT before at midnight when I was asleep. Even though we’ve just recently had SEVERAL fights about his inability to plan things and how with me working this much that’s it’s impossible for me to agree to anything without planning ahead so he may just have to take an L on this one, not that I don’t want them to go to Keegan’s party but I’m sure it’s early afternoon and idk when I’ll be able to get ahold of Scott to discuss that. And per the usual, he’ll make me out to be a terrible bitch who’s just withholding the children out of bitterness, and compare me to his other ex (which has nothing to do with anything) and tell everyone I’m selfish and blah blah blah…even though I have no problem with the kids going to the party if he would only have just made an attempt to even plan ONE day ahead, TWO days, anything….we’ll see, I may still let them go if he can manage to work it out with me reasonably and without too much hassle but I’m certainly not going to be late, or miss the football game over his nonsense.

Bengals are playing the Steelers tomorrow, big deal, big deal. Really wish Joyce wouldn’t have quit so we could discuss the game at work since she’s the only Steelers fan I know and we liked to mess with each other (I wore a Bengals shirt into work one night and she said “I didn’t know they made Bengals shirst that small, what is that, toddler’s size?” lol…she was a trip)….I need to get ahold of her and ask about that job she was telling me about. Because if I can make more money, why not? And since I already HAVE a job I see no harm in going to interviews, takes some of the pressure off if they don’t like/hire me, maybe I won’t be a sweaty, nervous wreck knowing that in the back of my head I still have a job either way! (yay anxiety haha)….

Well I think my update is about done here, gonna lay down and watch some Walking Dead with my love. Who, by the way, I seriously think is perfect. Earlier tonight I asked him “Do you TRY to be perfect, or does it just come naturally?” he just smiled & laughed, but idk if he knows I meant that completely sincerely because every day I am more and more amazed by all the things he does, just the way he is…even his looks, his style, his sense of humor, the way he works, the way he plays, the way he kisses! OMG….everything about him is absolutely perfect, for me. I hope he feels the same.

Well good night, or good morning rather.


me and my love <3

me and my love <3